I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip.

The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn't think they're an idiot.

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.

Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.

If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac.

I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.

I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit.

As an individual doing a podcast, you don't get even remotely rich. It's not something to do for money.

By the way, to perform in front of Don Rickles, it 's not nerve-wrecking. It 's enjoyable, i am enjoying Jeff Garlin. I hope I perform in front of Don Rickles every night of my life !

Even pretty faces are mutilated by ugly character

Our entire economy is based on productivity measures that have little to do with “human input”. Sooner or later the entire system will collapse revealing the fallacy of an economy based on finance.

Life is sometimes hard, and you have to laugh your way through it.

The makeup of your thoughts is exposed through your internal dialog.

I consider myself a student, both in my work and my life, and I'm constantly learning and I'm constantly grateful for that.

I'm sure it really is hard to be an oncologist, and actually, more and more people are surviving cancer.

In most of our lives, we are accustomed to aiming at mastery and control and dominion- - over nature, over our lives, over our jobs, over our careers, over the goods that we buy.

Marriage is a long, dull meal with dessert served at the beginning.

I am a better writer for having fewer demons, and I am more curious about the world and the people in it. So those of you thinking you might need your demons in order to be creative: I beg to differ.

People believe what they want to believe.