I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away.

My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.

We find happiness doing what we love.

And speak to people good [words]

Those who claim the right to that arrogance without accomplishments to back it up deserve to be exposed.

For balance to be restored, lessons must be learned.

As such, the least practicable measure of government must be the best. Anything beyond the minimum must be oppression.

I often think how unfairly life's good fortune is sometimes distributed.

Savvy observers occasionally note television's resemblance to the weather: Everybody loves to complain about it, but nobody can do anything to fix it.

But you, oh gardener, poet that you be / Though unaware, now use your seeds like words / And make them lilt with color nicely flung.

I was lucky to get one good adaptation. Field of Dreams the Musical is lurking in the wings. Hope it will provide my daughters with a ton of money someday.

What's done cannot be undone. To bed, to bed, to bed.