I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

To doubt is to deny yourself of your own existence.

I'm just like the tree... strong-looking but slowly dying.

For heaven's sake, don't write writing. Write reading!

Great rogues hang the little ones.

A valuable qualification of a modern politician seems to be a capacity for concealing or explaining away the truth.

The nucleus has to take care of the inheritance of the heritable characters, while the surrounding cytoplasm is concerned with accommodation or adaptation to the environment.

Leaders are people we as followers want to regard with awe as the fullest flowering of our own possibilities.

I think we've got to do more to stop foreign fighters, foreign funding and take ISIS on online, as well as doing everything necessary to keep us safe at home.

To achieve progress nature alone counts, and the eye is trained through contact with her. It becomes concentric by looking and working.

I have balls the size of grapefruits and come this Sunday, you'll be spitting out the seeds.