I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

Ignorance is the darkest depths.

A publisher is somebody looking for someone who has something to say.

Dell fills its computers with crapware, collecting fees from McAfee and other vendors to pre-install 'trial' versions.

I was 20 years old at Pearl Harbor. I was in the Navy about a year and four months before the war.

Of course there are times when I hate London, but equally there are times when I can walk 'round a corner and I really feel that this is my place.

I am not antigovernment. I would not run a campaign against government.

It is not wise to meddle with D'Angelines in matters of love.

The senses are the organs by which man places himself in connexion with exterior objects.

Breakthroughs, in art, in culture, in personality, come when tackling the unexpected.

The more deeply you understand other people, the more you will appreciate them, the more reverent you will feel about them. To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.