I hate movies. They're so boring. So tedious.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

Whatever your dreams may be, never dismiss them as impossible. Always hope. Always try. You just never know when things will happen.

For every God-given goal, He gives grace to accomplish it.

Wherever there is peace, there is progress.

When you start with an insult and end with a compliment, most people only remember where you started.

When Anderson walks into a room, you can hear a rat pissing on cotton.

My own early experiences in war led me to suspect the value of discipline, even in that sphere where it is so often regarded as the first essential for success.

Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways.

It is my guiding confession that I believe the greatest error in economics is in seeing the economy as a stable, immutable structure.

Better make friends with an ignoramus who is liberal with his money and of a pleasing disposition than with a scholar who is mean and irascible.

Well, pull up an ice block and lend an ear. Now you know how Santa uses these flying reindeer to pull his sleigh.