I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

A smile is a smile.

Surely if we knew what bitterness fate held in store, we would shrink back in fear and let the cup of life pass us by untasted.

What is more important - Pretending to live OR living your life? Forget about what others think about you and your way of living. Live your life the way you like it.

The problem with prototypes is they don't always work.

Couldn't start the morning without caffeine.

Had I been a dictator, I would still be governing.

Be not frightened at the hard words "imposition," "imposture;" give and ask no questions. Cast thy bread upon the waters. Some have, unawares, entertained angels.

True friends appear less moved than counterfeit.

I have read where Abraham Lincoln said he wasn't interested in freeing the slaves.

Education is civil defence against media fallout.