I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

I will forever remind you that you are gifted, strong and beautiful, exactly as you are.Will you forever remind yourself, too?

She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.

Nothing can resist the will of man when he knows what is true and wills what is good.

There are many ways to meditate. When you meditate, you are learning how to feel again.

Proof, one might say, does not merely shew that it is like this, but: how it is like this. It shows how 13+14 yield 27.

One of the reasons I came into politics was because I thought I lacked the skills to be a social worker.

I was born with a crippled leg. I wore a corrective shoes since I was three years old and I still wear them.

The worlds of thought and action overlap. What you think has a way of becoming true.

As far as I'm concerned, the 20th century was performance-driven, but for some reason, the critics and historians didn't know how to integrate that.

It would be the ultimate dream for me to win an Academy Award, be in love and have kids. Then I would say, 'Life is great! I have done everything I wanted.