I hate the beach - I'm a mountain guy. I'd much rather face a bear than a shark.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

Music lifts the soul to spiritual realms.

I wonder who else in the world was having such an exquisite dawn.

To both my parents, the world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard.

Why are all pretty boys insane?

I'm personally a hopeless romantic. I always have been.

I can't have composite characters. I can't attribute dialogue to someone based simply on my memory and not based on notes taken at the time that the words were spoken.

For most of the wild things on earth, the future must depend on the conscience of mankind.

I still have my girlfriends that I grew up with. We went to day care together ... we just feel comfortable with each other. We're honest, we're total goofs.

I always expected my work to be what was noticed, appreciated or what would eventually succeed, not my sexuality.

The terrorists thought they would change my aims and stop my ambitions. But nothing changed in my life except this: weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born.