I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.

More people are ruined by victory I imagine than by defeat.

One of my father's most precious legacies to me was spiritual. I learned from him the value of courage and the strength of will.

A novelist should make you realize nothing is stable. If you don't believe anything with robustness, you're doing something more radical than anything else.

A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch.

In matters of government, justice means force as well as virtue.

Through education comes understanding. Through understanding comes true appreciation. All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.

The best social reform program in the world is a job.

The goal is too small and the goalies are too big.

Political confusion starts with terminology confusion.