I have 13 dependents. All of them have 140 IQ or better, except me. I'm under 100 IQ, and I support them all.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

They claim red meat is bad for you. But I never saw a sick-looking tiger.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

Only fools live in the past or carry envy to the present.

Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.

I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English.

Remember you have to be comfortable. Golf is not a life or death situation. It's just a game and should be treated as such. Stay loose.

I never prayed that I would make a putt. I prayed that I would react well if I missed.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.

I am a millionaire today and my wife deserves all of the credit. Before I met her I was a multi-millionaire.

In my fool hardy youth, when my friends were dreaming of heroic deeds in the realms of engineering and law, finance and national politics, I dreamt of becoming a librarian.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first subsidize.

In economics, hope and faith coexist with great scientific pretension and also a deep desire for respectability.

The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live.

An ounce of sauce covers a multitude of sins.

Fire and people do in this agree,They both good servants, both ill masters be.

David Moyes, in Italy, would have been sacked three times now.

One would give generous alms if one had the eyes to see the beauty of a cupped receiving hand.

Nothing in your life is beyond redemption.

Maybe everyone is just trying to protect me by lying to me. I don't care. I'm sick of people lying to me for my own good.