I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

These are Tyler's words coming out of my mouth. I am Tyler's mouth. I am Tyler's hands.

And today is really the happiest day of your life, because today you woke up and stumbled across the shadow of your soul in broad daylight."From Central Park Song: a Screenplay

The number one cause of atheism is Christians. Those who proclaim Him with their mouths and deny Him with their actions is what an unbelieving world finds unbelievable.

The month of December isn’t magical because it sparkles. It’s magical because it changes people’s hearts … at least momentarily.

Let us savour the swift delights of the most beautiful of our days!

I left United, but my Heart didn't

We would all like to be able to live an uncluttered life, a simple life, a good life.

Our nation's anti-hunger programs need to be strengthened.

A failure isn't a failure if it prepares you for success tomorrow.