I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Are you in a desert? Then be a camel! Be compatible with the reality!

A book on cheap paper does not convince. It is not prized, it is like a wheezy doctor with pigtail tobacco breath, who needs a manicure.

The Williams sisters, they have this power. They have this ability to come back from nowhere.

Meidtation and selfless giving must always go together. They work together to create immortality.

The past in the hands of historians is not what it was.

Maximum of an average is necessarily less volatile than the average maximum

To live a life of honesty and integrity is a responsibility of every decent person.

When I see I am nothing, that is wisdom. When I see I am everything, that is love. My life is a movement between these two.

I'm a live performer and I love playing live.

You won't find average Americans on the left or on the right. You'll find them at Kmart.