I have a homosexual crush on most adolescents.

Don't jack off a cactus, you'll only hurt your hand and the cactus' feelings

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put that booger that counts.

The one thing about Billie is he will snap and rip your head off if you point anything out at all other than how beautiful he is and how nice he looks today.

I wish people would turn off their computers, go outside, talk to people, touch people, lick people, enjoy each other's company and smell each other on the rump

Life is like breakfast: you just mix all ingredients 'cause in your stomach it will all come together.

Punk rock has become another viable art form. It always was. But now it's like everyone's doing it.

I've matured, maybe, but not grown up.

I'm not exactly sure how many kids I have, but yes, I do miss them officially, for the record. In case any of them are listening, I love you.

I'm a drummer. I can count to four and repeat.

I never completed high school and I am very rich and very successful.

Environmental cleanliness begins with individual desire to be clean.

I would meet directly with the leadership in Iran.

Think ahead. Golf is a next-shot game.

Facilis descensus Averno Noctes atque dies patet atri ianua Ditis Sed revocare gradum superasque evadere ad auras Hoc opus labor est

If any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone. For God hath made all men to enjoy felicity and constancy of good.

If you have the right attitude, interesting problems will find you.

There are so many selves in everybody, and just to explore and exploit one is wrong, dead wrong, for the creative person.

I can support going in after Saddam Hussein, but I want to make sure I don't go alone.

Don't be embarrassed by your achievements. Being an overarchiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower your standards.