I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

People who are stuck in the past, miss out on the beauty of the Present and the possibility of the future!!!

Without my voice and spirit I am dust. This is not what I want, but what I must.

Today is a brand new beginning for me!

I've got mates who have got married through meeting on Internet dating sites, so it really can work out - even if sometimes it does go disastrously wrong.

Society is a madhouse whose wardens are the officials and the police.

I've taken my knickers off. My friends told me my panty line was visible, so I went without.

I've been fortunate over my career to make a little history on the 16th hole at Augusta National.

People love to judge, get used to it and stop taking it personally.

I've always had access to other worlds. We all do because we dream.

You should only play pieces that you're willing to marry.