I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

There are some people who walk into your life and shed a new light in your entire being. Be grateful to such people.

The more often you visualize your success and the more details you envision, the more motivated you’ll feel.

Man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get in accord with them they are legitimately what directs his contact in the world.

Never try to convey your idea to the audience - it is a thankless and senseless task. Show them life, and they'll find within themselves the means to assess and appreciate it.

Fashion is what time looks like.

You can eat an elephant one bit at a time.

You can only fight the way you practice

Eighty percent of Americans with HIV do not know they are infected.

Cortez looked like someone newly in love, the way only twenty-four-year-olds can look.

One miracle is just as easy to believe as another.