I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.

You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.

My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?

never say never. whoops - said it twice

She tries to wear her pain on the inside. She always has. It’s the trademark of the oldest sibling, I think.

The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.

I face so much jealousy, and I am incredibly upset about it.

My mom, Emilie, always taught me to think hard about marriage.

You leak sometimes. My pediatrician said, 'Can't you just wear pads under your clothes?' I said, 'You don't know the kind of clothes I wear on photo shoots.'

How happy can you be when you think every action and thought is being monitored by a judgmental ghost ?

I'm better at being a lawyer than I am at being a writer.

The Bible is a letter God has sent to us; prayer is a letter we send to him.

Metaphors. This was the cost of making out with an artist.

Entering into the flow of abundance begins when exceeding expectations becomes a way of life.