I have a spiritual advisor I call up, when I just feel lost. Lately, I've been talking to God. I developed this dialogue in rehab, this dialogue with God, and every day I talk to God.

The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.

I know what you wanted to say, Do you think that electrocution rewired your brain to make you the retard that you are? You can say it, lady.

I had no blood relatives till I made some.

My parents just neglected me, I wasn't abused or anything.

People love to hate. I have a love-hate relationship with the world. The world loves to hate me.

There are atheists and Christians, and there are people in both groups who are a little too heavy-handed.

I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped.

I'm really ultra-affected by things, I feel things deeper, and I cry at the drop of a hat, and offended and sensitive and I'm almost paranoid very easily, and that's who I am.

I laugh when I see people in pain. Sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism from childhood, where you're in so much pain you have to laugh. It is a survival mechanism.

I was a bad boy as a child.

You are the sculptor of your success. Chisel yourself into excellence.

Today's partners can be your competitors tomorrow. And today's competitors can be your partners tomorrow.

My dad is shagging your aunt, probably right now. That makes us almost family.

Not many people ask me out.

Act as if it were impossible to fail.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually fearing that you'll make one.

They say the first of my kind was Alasdair, a human raised by hawks. She learned the languages of birds and was gifted with their form.

I never think that people die. They just go to department stores.

Where I cannot be moral, my power is gone.

The motto of Harvard isn't 'nice,' it's truth. The motto of Yale isn't 'light and nice,' it's light and truth.