I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

Inherent in all persons does be, Love and compassion unfailingly.Give to others your love freely, And receive in turn love purely.[112] - 4

Christ asked people who follow him to be the voice for the voiceless - not to wire their mouths shut.

Why must it be in human nature to hear one thing but to believe in another?" "Because we want things to get better," I said. "Otherwise we would all give up.

It's flattering to be compared in any way to Tiger Woods, because he's the best player in the world.

I'm not the healthiest eater, but I try to watch what I eat during the week. I kind of splurge on the weekends and eat french fries and pizza.

Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships.

I really want to get into designing my own business suit. I've designed a couple suits for myself that I've worn in the past, and I have a good idea of what I want and need to use.

Oh, beauty, ever ancient and ever new.

Better to be safe than sorry.

You want to be skinny and have a good body? You have to work out every day and say no to certain foods.