I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

If you're going to sit on someone's tombstone, you might as well know something about them, right?

Apparently profanity had a way of making men listen.

That was the nature of presents. You kept them in the giver's stead. They were a small part of that person to keep.

The artist has to make the viewer understand that his world is too narrow, he has to open up to new perspectives.

Never define people or situations in terms of their effect on you, unless you want to give them the power to make you feel that way.

Taboo was kind of celebrating trash, the kind of records you secretly loved, like Yes Sir, I Can Boogie, by Baccara [laughs] - things that you probably shouldn't like.

The time is coming when we will go beyond narrow religious confines and embrace a spirituality that will include the best of all religions and transcend narrow boundaries.

Finally, is not liberty the restricting of the law only to its rational sphere of organizing the right of the individual to lawful self-defense; of punishing injustice?

The Indians have such strong traditions and aesthetics, and the people are beautiful, as are their goods.

Fixing markets isn't enough. We have to actively shape and create them and tilt the playing field in the direction of the growth we want.