I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.

It is so fatally easy to make young children believe that they are horrible.

I was enjoying the great human trophy hunt and, looking back, it scares the hell out of me

the heavens raped from our misuse of love

We should all live as if we were never going to die, for it is the deaths of our friends that hurt us, not our own.

I am very lucky to have people who care about me and care about my music. I think it would be irresponsible to not show them as much love back as they show me.

I am not my hair I am not this skin I am not your expectations, no I am not my hair I am not this skin I am the soul that lives within.

If you hear someone scream, you shouldn't close the drapes. You should help. You've got to try.

I've called David Cameron worse things than joker....and a former Prime Minister Tony Blair is widely referred to as a war criminal.

Happiness can be bought with a bottle of wine and has become ambiguous through overuse.