I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

To know Christ Jesus is to seek God.

Destiny is desire meeting opportunity. You become who you are driven to be.

And yet, anything real, anything strong, was never easy. She'd been taught from an early age that the things that mattered most were the hardest to obtain.

Entire lives aren’t lessons, but there are lessons in lives.

The studies indicate that focusing our attention on someone else, takes our mind off of our own problems. We stay healthier and thereby live longer.

The spectacle is capital accumulated to the point where it becomes image.

...and we sat like that, one creature in two bodies, for a long time, until I forgot what I'd been upset about and I was myself again.

There is no security, no assurance that because we wrote something good two months ago, we will do it again. Actually, every time we begin, we wonder how we ever did it before.

What I increasingly felt, in marriage and in motherhood, was that to live as a woman and to live as a feminist were two different and possibly irreconcilable things.

I sometimes think that the most plaintive ditty has brought a fuller joy and of longer duration to its composer that the conquest of Persia to the Macedonian.