I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Religious people fear hell -- Spiritual people have walked thru it.

The heart is the instrument of love it refutes lies and embrace love

Your words are like mirrors. They may cut, but they also reflect.

Donald Trump feels very warmly about the Jewish state, about the Jewish people and about Jewish people. There's no question about that.

I want to know about life! I want some real answers..." "Five." "Five?!" "I thought that was a pretty good answer!

On being asked by someone how he could become famous, Diogenes responded: 'By worrying as little as possible about fame

It is hard to know how many people do, but given that the people are so docile towards the rulers, nowadays, very few Americans show the passion for freedom that our forefathers had.

No black person married to a white person can speak for me!

I sometimes feel I'm a sort of cult writer, rather than a mainstream writer, in that those who like my stuff like it a lot, but the appeal is not that broad.

Love is the piety of the affections.