I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon. We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough

Through His Word we fall in love with Him more, and because of this we love more.

He's a waiter, not a Mafia stooge, so what's he going to do? Blac pepper them to death? Compliment them into a coma? Run them over with the dessert trolley?

I have lived to know that the secret of happiness is never to allow your energies to stagnate.

I do not think the devil cares how many churches you build, if only you have lukewarm preachers and people in them.

God has more important things to worry about than who I sleep with.

I don't see the world as something divided between right and left.

Life's just a cocktail party - on the street.

People create their own experiences.

We're living, it seems, in the culmination of a long warfare - warfare against human beings, other creatures and the Earth itself.