I have become increasingly unnerved by the depth of corruption that exists at many different levels. I'm less upset with politicians than [with] the media.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

A step towards love is a leap towards the divine.

Scheduling flexibility is the single greatest non-financial tool -- and the number-one dream-job factor -- at your disposal for winning battles in the talent wars. Use it.

Columbia Law School men were being drafted, and suddenly women who had done well in college were considered acceptable candidates for the vacant seats.

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

Anyone can be falsely accused of a crime. Everyone accused of a crime deserves a fair trial.

Instead of focusing on that circumstances that you cannot change - focus strongly and powerfully on the circumstances that you can.

Unless one's philosophy is all-inclusive, nothing can be understood.

For those roses bright, oh, those roses bright! I have twined them in my sister's locks That are hid in the dust from sight.

Dirt has been shrewdly termed "misplaced material.