I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

I really should come with a warning label.

There is no peace for great men

You are always freed by your lucid knowledge and acceptance of your tasks.

I was wishing I had a story like that one to live inside me with so much loudness you could pick it up on a stethoscope.

My guess is my brother would call his mom and his dad pretty regularly, a lot more than I probably did.

It is only to the gardener that time is a friend, giving each year more than he steals.

Cover your selfe with your shield, and care not for cryes.

I won't mention the word tired. This is the 20th century and I can go around a little faster.

An endless war against terrorism can tend to inflate the terrorists, because being at war is attractive to some angry, unemployed, disaffected youth.

To succeed in chaining the multitude, you must seem to wear the same fetters.