I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

Sometimes it's not always straightforward, but it's not always confusing either. You just have to respect a person's decisions without disrespecting them.

When you see the fire of hate, spread the tranquility of your ocean of love.

He shouldn't say things like that in front of the artworks, especially when they're angry, but he always does.

Heaven might shine bright, but so do flames.

A man must learn to understand the motives of human beings, their illusions, and their sufferings.

Books to the ceiling, Books to the sky, My pile of books is a mile high. How I love them! How I need them! I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.

Nobody loves the rat race, but nobody can think of anything else—Satan has us just where he wants us.

I never thought I was breaking a glass ceiling. I just had to do what I had to do, and it never occurred to me not to.

Well, I like to write poetry. I'm a published poet.