I have little belief in human progress. The human race is incurably idiotic. It will never be happy.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

It's sometimes easier to help others rather than helping yourself. The trick is to listen to your "self" as a friend. This may be the simplest change you ever make in life, with the biggest impact.

Come now and let us go and risk our lives unnecessarily. For if they have got any value at all it is this that they gave got none. Frei lebt wer sterben kann.

It is too bad if you have to do everything upon reflection and can't do anything from early habit.

Why should neurotic, selfish, immature people suddenly become angels when they fall in love ... ?

Regarding Christianity: Ten thousand difficulties do not make one doubt.

Work isn't really work for me. I hate to tell you this, but I've never liked the weekend in my life. I was enthusiastic about Monday morning from the day I left college.

I was washing dishes at the Greyhound bus station at the time and I said, 'Awap bop a lup bop a wop bam boom, take 'em out!'

When I can really open myself up to someone and show someone who I really am, it's amazing when it happens.

Our present tears here, not our present laughter Are but the handsells of our joys hereafter.

Live or die but don't poison everything.