I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

I'd watch her, amazed at just how much a person could accomplish fueled by tea and regret.

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.

If nothing is serious anymore, then there's nothing to satirize.

The waters are rising, but so am I. I am not going under, but over.

War seems a perfectly impossible thing, even when it can be seen coming nearer and nearer.

When you live with integrity and value your word over your excuses, you have the power to speak your dreams into existence.

Privacy is like sleep - something you don't appreciate until you have to go without it.

It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

Keep the best, forget the rest.

I got to fight every second, every minute and every round.