I have more pictures of my children than my father ever looked at me.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Once a flower is picked it immediately begins to die.

Regret is her companion and the one who whispers to her often. She has even let hope die and that brings about despair.

If you are looking for a friend that will never change, go to the shelves, you'll find it there. It will never change and will stay the same today and forever.

Enjoy your Evening.""That will depend on the menu. If it's beef, it will be a tolerable meal. If it's chicken..." Elliot shuddered. "What is the point of chicken?""Eggs?

The ones who say "you can't" and "you won't" are probably the ones that are scared that you will.

To me a book is a message from the gods to mankind; or, if not, should never be published at all.

Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.

You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist

I'm sorry you're angry is not an apology.

At twenty, men love woman; at thirty, a woman; and at forty, women.