I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Most people have the blindness of new-born things - a not-incurable blindness, the sight being there but its use not known.

We knew - but didn't want to know - what was going to happen, the sky descending upon our heads like the shadow of a falling piano in a cartoon.

Sinatra asked me out.

Measure not the work until the day's out and the labor done.

Do not give little man big power and do not give big man little power!

Multimedia scares me off.

I play the guitar. I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.

Remember, with writing, what you’re looking for is just one person to come up and tell you, 'I love you for what you do.'

Another thing that really excites me: I'd like to do multiple versions of the same film.

What determines your altitude in life is your attitude.