I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I was growing up listening to Queen. Freddie Mercury threw those incredible melodies into his songs.

Love is never as ferocious as when you think it's going to leave you.

I never suffered for lack of confidence. I knew I would succeed; you have to. I think I couldn't go into any venture any other way.

All the power of the occult healer lies in his conscious will, and all his art consists in producing faith in the patient.

I'm not on Facebook. I have a sort of anonymous account that I check, like, once every six months every time Facebook rolls out a new feature.

It's such a huge playing field, especially with the wind and shifting tides and only three women out. It's almost like you are fending for yourself out there.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn? / Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?

Sometimes I can't believe half of the love that I get.

I am a sect by myself, as far as I know.

It's just seems life without music would be death.