I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

No air, no balloons!

There is always room at the top.

The way to encourage people to be accountable is to engage the responsible, accountable, trustworthy part of their brain.

If something is successful with the audience, it's automatically suspect; the reverse is to say that not to reach audiences is the greatest compliment an artist can receive!

We eat the way we live.

I want to be like Bruce Springsteen or something, making songs that are relevant.

Night falls fast. Today is the past.

Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life.

One thing Mom taught me, "You're going to be dead a long time, so do it now!"

There's a great universe just next door.