I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

What if deep down inside you...you knew you were more amazing and magnificent than you thought you were?

i can accept FAILURE, everyone falls at something.but what i can't accept is NOT TRYING.

waiting for happiness is never make you happy, Being happy is the key of happiness forever.

Truth exists. Only lies are invented.

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

There is a strength of quiet endurance as significant of courage as the most daring feats of prowess.

New media is like a megaphone. It amplifies your ability to reach more people.

In a democracy, the individual enjoys not only the ultimate power but carries the ultimate responsibility.

Without great mountains we cannot reach great heights.

Every game and every minute you get to step on the court is an opportunity to feel more comfortable and get better.