I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Politics is not an exact science.

You have to emote much more to get what you're trying to get across to come through a quarter inch of latex that's superglued to your face.

It bring a tear to my eye to see native New York people give me my props because New York is stubborn and arrogant.

Man was created to complete the horse.

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

We are the only institution in our society that can question a president on a regular basis and make him accountable. Otherwise, he could be king.

They want liberalization! I'll give them liberalization. I'll loosen the screws until the Americans beg me to tighten them again.

The bigger my chest is, the more it gets in the way. It just creates space. It makes me much more efficient if I don't have so much in the way between me and my opponent.

A lot of young people have all these aspirations but many of them don't believe they're possible.

[Donald Trump] has a tremendous opportunity, you know, this week, to come out and say I don't want that.