I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Great posture is the foundation that always fits.

Not all lucid dreams are useful but they all have a sense of wonder about them. If you must sleep through a third of your life, why should you sleep through your dreams, too?

It seems to me that politicians ought to use the same words as other people.

I was always extremely curious about why people did the things they do.

You can't find the answers on the bottom of a whiskey glass, but if you look hard enough you'll forget the questions.

If its December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York?

The moment I do any puppy dog acting, I think the joke is dead. It's in the truth of how I play it, and the real painful honesty that I approach my performance with.

I don't want to tell you how to be a prince, but shouldn't you have some bodyguards or something?" "Bodyguards? Who would want to harm a charming guy like me?

I can't stand it when a player whines to me or his teammates or his wife or the writers or anyone else. A whiner is almost always wrong. A winner never whines.

Good books tell the truth, even when they're about things that never have been and never will be. They're truthful in a different way