I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Joblessness sets you free

One of the most valuable things one of my art teachers said to me was, ‘Don’t get upset by criticism. Value the fact that at least someone noticed what you did.

...a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit.

Much ingenuity with a little money is vastly more profitable and amusing than much money without ingenuity.

Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

For death, Now I know, is that first breath Which our souls draw when we enter Life, which is of all life center.

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.

I would like to be able to gently drift in and out of existence when I wanted to.

Superior strength is a sword that manifests one's will.

That's my takeaway from 'Scream' - I know I can fit in dog doors. You have to jimmy your body in a certain position and really hope you're not wearing something super fancy.