I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

There is no perfect security only maximum temporary security

The tragedy in life to mourn over is the death of what lies within a person who is still alive. The death of a potential is a mess of destiny!

The bats stop flying above and the moon stands still. He commands the air and the sky and my body.

I'm into all things German. Everything that I own is German. As far as cars go, anyway.

I love working with kids and I want to just be able to do it from my heart and not as a job.

Emotional truths can sometimes be conveyed more effectively, more compellingly, through fiction.

The film of tomorrow will resemble the person who made it, and the number of spectators will be proportional to the number of friends the director has.

The third indication that our dreams are dead is peace.

Importantly, rather than promoting aggression, testosterone promotes whatever is needed to maintain status when challenged.

Beauty products always cheer me up and give me hope. If it makes you feel pretty, why not?