I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

It dawned on him that he really could be a cop if he wanted to, and it dawned on him that he'd had this revelation while eating a donut, and it that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what was.

Seeds you plant today determine the harvest you reap tomorrow.

How readily our thoughts swarm upon a new object, lifting it a little way, as ants carry a blade of straw so feverishly, and then leave it.

Many hedge fund managers have become billionaires perhaps this - plus their reputations as the smartest guys in the room - is why they have captured the investing public's imagination.

Every morning as I read the scripture, every night, I quote the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule.

The economy is like a machine.

Come walk the path that leads to eternal happiness, joy, and everlasting life in the kingdom of our Heavenly Father.

I really don't mind dying because I figure I haven't wasted this life.

The king who makes war on his enemies tenderly distresses his subjects most cruelly.

The best way to learn is live, in person, cooking, feeling, smelling and tasting, but TV is the second-best thing to that; it's a halfway facsimile.