I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

What we love we are.

Every young man would do well to remember that all successful business stands on the foundation of morality.

Moviemakers can be late to a subject, or afraid, but often they are brave and ahead of their time.

I always try to be a reliable friend.

Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.

The challenge for me is still to do something that hasn't been beaten into the movie going consciousness. Otherwise what am I in it for?

Never choose the easy path. Choose the one that has morals

I consider myself to be respectful, and I believe this is a main value for sports.

We love our fans, so there's nothing we wouldn't do for them, and we go directly to t hem.

Artistic simplicity is more complex than artistic complexity for it arises via the simplification of the latter and against its backdrop or system.