I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

One thing I have learnt in this life, is that you got to have Jesus.

You become greater than what you conquer within.

History is full of really good stories. That's the main reason I got into this racket: I want to make the argument that history is interesting.

Capitalism is about turning luxuries into necessities.

Plural marriage is not essential to salvation or exaltation.

Perhaps it's true that I'm very hard on myself, but that's better than exhibiting mediocre work... too few were satisfactory enough to trouble the public with.

Why don’t you come up and have a little ... scotch and sofa?

I follow no doctrine. I don't belong to a church or a temple or a synagogue or an ashram.

For, whom the Muses smile upon, And touch with soft persuasion, His words like a storm-wind can bring Terror and beauty on their wing; In his every syllable Lurketh nature veritable.

It is myself I have never met whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind