I haven't laughed so much over anything since the hogs ate my kid brother.

I don t mind a reasonable amount of trouble.

I've been as bad an influence on American literature as anyone I can think of.

The problem with putting two and two together is that sometimes you get four, and sometimes you get twenty-two.

Joel Cairo: You always have a very smooth explanation ready. Sam Spade: What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?

Listen, darling, tomorrow I'll buy you a whole lot of detective stories, but don't worry your pretty little head over mysteries tonight.

I couldn't be fonder of you if you were my own son. But, well, if you lose a son, its possible to get another. There's only one Maltese Falcon.

My way of learning is to heave a wild and unpredictable monkey-wrench into the machinery.

Feed the lettuce to the bunny and eat the bunny.

I once knew a man who stole a Ferris Wheel.

The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter.

I have learned to be happy by calming my ego.

Just as a CEO could care less about pay equity, the university administrator is unconcerned with how many of her program graduates secure employment of any particular quality.

Everything I hated about L.A. I'm beginning to crave. L.A. is a place where you live behind a gate, you get in a car, your interaction with the public is minimal. I used to hate that.

I'm not ashamed to tell the truth about what happened in my family. I think that's what makes my comedy different.

Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room.

What I believe is that, by proper effort, we make the future almost anything we want to make it.

I haven't laughed so much over anything since the hogs ate my kid brother.

When we have money, we start making mistakes.

When I'm right, no one remembers.When I am wrong, no one forgets.

I went into photography because it seemed like the perfect vehicle for commenting on the madness of today's existence.