I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

He was still thoughtful. 'Do you think any of us ever really knows anyone?' 'Philosophy, Lord Dryden? And yet it's daylight and everyone is still sober.

I was raised by a single dad, and I've always kind of liked things that are typically more guy-oriented.

There is one universal truth, applicable to all countries, cultures and communities: violence against women is never acceptable, never excusable, never tolerable.

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week. Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

You always wish you made more money but I have had a lot of cool experiences. I have learnt so much by travelling the world and made some great friends in my travels.

Writing is not an exercise in excision, it's a journey into sound.

I love heights. I love speed. Im on the verge of being a pyromaniac. Maybe my phobia is boredom.

If you're making commercials which sell products which are unhealthy or which are unnecessary, I think that you are part of a system.

The years go so fast. I mean, I just realized that at the end of the year I will be twenty-two, and I just turned twenty-one.

My body is not good for prostrations.