I heard last year at [insert name]'s birthday party they had to set up mirrors to make it look like a crowd.

I got this bad allergy - I'm allergic to bullshit.

The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Vince Russo has been there in which case the grass is most likely dead.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

Vince Russo destroyed the Periodic Table as he only recognises the element of surprise.

Hulk Hogan, you may be a household word, but so is garbage, and it stinks when it gets old too.

Ladies & Gentelman, the man who tought William Kennedy Smith everything he knows about dating, Sweet Stan Lane!

I like to take advantage of the simple-minded because I can.

Eventually, even a blind squirell will find an acorn.

All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days . . .nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.

Should kids check phones at dinner? I don't know. To me, that's a parenting choice.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? 'Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?'

The universe is nothing without the things that live in it, and everything that lives, eats.

Be watchful lest thou lose the power of desiring and loving what appeals to the soul this is the miser's curse this the chain and ball the sensualist drags.

I expect us to win. I expect us to get better every day.

None live so easily, so pleasantly, as those that live by faith.

I pray that on this day [Christmas] when only peace and good-will are preached to mankind, better thoughts may fill the hearts of our enemies and turn them to peace.

Colleges are places where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed.

‎Imprinting on someone is like... Like when you see her... Everything changes. All of a sudden, its not gravity holding you to the planet. It's her... Nothing else matters.