I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

No "we" should be taken for granted when the subject is looking at other people's pain.

A country where a devil is sitting at the throne turns into a real hell!

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.

I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.

The world, as it is now, wants to die, wants to perish — and it will.

Ek Main Aur Ek Tu was a very special film for me. Imran and we complement each other very well. He is sugar, and I am spice.

I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.

I suppose it's everyone's fate to be reduced to quaintness by those younger than themselves.

I have always questioned everything: education, the obligation to memorize, authority. Perhaps that is why I have photographed everything.

When I read a good book, I wish my life were three thousand years long.