I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

Things change everyday. With each new dawn, it is not the same world as before. And you’re not the same person you were either.

To violate the law of love is to live in un-forgiveness

True inward quietness ... is not vacancy, but stability - the steadfastness of a single purpose.

I like to focus on what I'm doing now, which is giving back. I've done interventions with people I've been close to.

If you don't mind being unhappy, what happens to the unhappiness?

There are no problems we cannot solve together, and very few that we can solve by ourselves.

Children of men! the unseen Power, whose eye Forever doth accompany mankind, Hath look'd on no religion scornfully That men did ever find.

From the port of ideas, not only the most clever ones put out to sea and conquer the world but also the most stupid ones do!

Our single greatest defense against scientific ignorance is education, and early in the life of every scientist, the child's first interest was sparked by a teacher.

And though thou notest from thy safe recess old friends burn dim, like lamps in noisome air love them for what they are; nor love them less, because to thee they are not what they were.