I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

Josh loved his mother, but he did not know why. Diane loved her son, and she did not care why.

Your strength as a rationalist is your ability to be more confused by fiction than by reality. If you are equally good at explaining any outcome, you have zero knowledge.

Once we were young, now we are adult.

Man will become better when you show him what he is like.

I wanted to be a ballerina. I changed my mind.

As long as you are curious, you defeat age.

You have inherited (the) most from yourself, not from your family! The family is only a river through which Soul flows.

We are working to help people become better people; then this will become a better world.

Your face tells a story and it shouldn't be a story about your drive to the doctor's office.

I don't have an image that I'm trying to like portray. I'm just being me.