I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Modern food may be the most compelling lie humans have ever told.

Too often, shared visions really mean, "I have a vision; you share it!"

People don't resent you for being brave. They resent themselves for being afraid.

Gossip is hardly uplifting.

I was sitting cross-legged in bed, trying without success to pretend I'd misunderstood the image I'd glimpsed. Yeah, right. Because Vlad had been between my legs looking for a set of keys he'd lost.

But there is room now in my heart for more memories, carved by a letting go that I could find only by coming home to a place I'd never been.

When you open your Bible, God opens His mouth.

My favorite power food is Greek yogurt and honey.

Definiteness of purpose with positive mental attitude is the starting point of all worthwhile achievement.

I wish the camera could smell my armpits. Dude, mine smell good.