I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

I want you to kick Egg, Tea and Clipper out of the band!” - Daisy

If God shall choose I shall love thee but better after death

If things look badly to-day they may look better tomorrow.

If someone falls into any sin and is not sincerely grieved about it, it is easy for him to fall into the same thing again.

Many have attempted unnatural acts, but Nature has always shown the way.

I just had a really good time when I did my voice work for Call of Duty. Ive had nothing but great interaction with Activision.

According to a Public Policy Polling survey, most Americans find lice and colonoscopies more appealing than Capitol Hill.

If you want your voice to be heard, speak from your heart.

Generally, elders are among the more reverent members of the Church, but there is no law prescribing their age.

The Christian's life should put his minister's sermon in print.