I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. Be the light that helps others see

Put work into your dreams.

My greatest sin has always been that I have a wonderful time being myself

If everyone chose love, this world would be magnificent. Always choose love.

I say a murder is abstract. You pull the trigger and after that you do not understand anything that happens.

To me the key thing is getting it right. And if a person's really smart and they're doing fantastic work I don't care if they're a high school kid or a Harvard professor, it's the work that matters.

My fascination is not for cinema; it's for human nature and human beings because I find it quite difficult being one at times.

Thug Life hit me like the Holy ghost.

In spite of everything, I shall rise again

Words are the supreme objects. They are minded things.