I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

No living creature can foretell the future.

If roses did not suffer thorns on their journey to beauty, they would lose out on becoming masterpieces.

She hadn’t planned any of this, but her thoughts ran away with her, and she hated how pathetic she must sound. Poor little human needed the big bad angel to rescue her. Yuck.

I feel most at home when I'm alone. That's not sad. It's just I feel closest to source and connection when I'm by myself.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.

Asking someone in the media about liberal bias is like asking a fish about water. 'Huh, what are you talking about? Where is it?'

In grief, words are a poor consolation - silence and agonizing tears are all that is left the sufferer.

Those who refused to respond to the new stimulus would perish. Adapt or perish.

The power of spiritual knowledge gives you centeredness, which brings out passion in work & dispassion in meditation.

Forever is not a word...rather a place where two lovers go when true love takes them there.